you guys were way drunker than both of me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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