I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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