Porn is love you can see.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
