This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
