His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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