I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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