That's when you crack a 10am beer
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
