Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
