i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
