Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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