I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
