And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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