Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
