And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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