bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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