u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
