Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
