I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
