Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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