There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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