All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
