Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
