I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
