i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
