it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
