I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
