I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
