I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Randomize
