guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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