They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
