She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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