Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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