The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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