I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
