just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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