When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
