oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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