i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
