dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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