What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
