Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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