Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
