i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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