I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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