I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
one might say we're banned from that church
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
