Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
why didn't you poke me back
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
