i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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