There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
