Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
