I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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