bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
