I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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